Virginity Till Nikkah(VTN): Advice From An Anonymous Lady Corp Member

An anonymous Muslim sister, who I guess, is currently a member of the National Youth Service Corps (NYSC), share her experience on certain wrong steps she had taken in life. Feeling sober and would not want others fall into similar pitfall, she decided to write under this title:

 

“VIRGIN TILL NIKKAH (VTN): Reorientation – Don’t Wake Up Love Before Time”

I thought I had waited enough, so when it was time to go for my NYSC, I made up my mind to date any cute guy that comes my way, after all I was mature and ripe for marriage.

Though I never believed in dating, but so many things just appeared to be wrong with my life, even when they were not.

I had been a virgin since birth, never dated, this was due to what my mum taught me. Her words, ”never wake up love when it is not time, and when it is time, don’t fall for it, stand with your eyes open, then walk into it.”

I bounded those words to my heart all through my university days, but as soon as it was time for my NYSC, I felt they should be thrown away as trash.

I was now a big girl, who should be approached for marriage. My new believe was that, if a lady does not get her man on camp, then she is likely going to settle a single lady, or with any kind of man outside her desires.

I was losing my faith and trust in God, which had led me thus far, I was now following the way of the world. Just three days at the camp, he came to tell me he was interested in me.

His words, ”I love the way you carry yourself, your religiousness, and simplicity. You will surely be a wonderful wife to your husband when you get married. So who is the lucky guy, I mean your fiance?”

His question threw me off balance that I didn’t know when I told him I was still single and available. Foolish me, was I supposed to advertise my singleness and availability to a man whom God has not revealed anything about me to?

He only admired my beauty, liked my character and simplicity, not that he got guidance from God that I was the lady for him. But I have already revealed to him how desperate I was towards having a man in my life.

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Anything done outside the guidance of Allah, is indeed astray. He was handsome and intelligent, but still he was not the right man.

Did I care? Did I even seek Allah’s guidance concerning him? I do get guidance from Allah quite alright, but I was desperate to have a ”Him” by my side.

When he heard my reply about being single and available, that day he began his chase after me. Like a He-goat, he kept coming, and like a She-goat on heat period, I gave him a try. The door of my heart opened, and then we began dating.

My emotions and feelings clouded my spiritual eyes and ear, that all I see in my dreams was his image and his voice.  On one occasion, I saw both of us purchasing wedding items.

All that made me to believe I was already in the will of Allah concerning a life partner. So my feelings and love for him increased, I was now visiting uncontrollably, and was hanging out with him.

Hmm, the devil must have said, ”the ‘all her life virgin’ has found a lover, let’s see how she will control herself. ”Was it easy ? Remember, Allah subuaana watahaala says in d Qur’an dat ‘Do not move near zinah’.

Could my legs still be crossed? I was losing my mind, and the urge for sex would not spare me. Day by day, this urge increased, it was burning like fire. I wish water could quench it… No way, it was beyond a physical fire.

Then that night came, the night of becoming one flesh. It was his saliva into my saliva, his body into my body, and his blood into my blood. I was deflowered, my twenty-six years of virginity gone in five minutes.

Did I plan to break it that way? Without walking down the aisle? I was ashamed of myself, naked before a man who has not visited my parents, let alone pay my dowry. ”Is this me?” I asked myself. ”What went wrong?”
Uncontrolled tears quietly escaped from my eyes.

When he stood up to dress up, a shining object mistakenly left the pocket of his trouser, and made its way to the ground. When I glanced at it, I was shocked to discover the obvious, it was his wedding ring. ”Are you married?” I quickly asked. He didn’t say a word, he only nodded, thereafter, he apologized and left the room as if nothing happened.

Picking up my dress was something I found difficult to do, until I heard a voice, Come de go make I arrange my room,” the voice of the owner of the room whom he paid just to exploit me. Hmm, my dignity was buried alive.

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Before the stranger, I dressed up, still thinking he was outside, I came out, but he was no where to be found. Since I left camp, I have never set my eyes on him, who even know if he was a true corper. All my dreams were mere imaginations.

I threw away my mother’s advice and Allah’s commandment; and the grace of God that kept me all through my campus years only to get all that, now in tears I’m picking them up after the mistake has been made….

Dear corper and readers, are you also going to make such mistake? The grace and mercy of Allah, including the Godly counsel and guidance that had kept you going, will you treat them like trash even at this point of your youth service?

Many sisters and brothers get defiled at camp, they lost their self control immediately they see someone who is likely to be their life partner. Why will it be said that it was during your NYSC you got defiled?

You whose orientation is beginning to change simply because you enter a new environment, watch yourself
very well.

You mustn’t meet your life partner at the camp or in a new environment. If you do, seek Allah’s counsel (Istikhaarah) concerning it, before accepting the proposal.

You mustn’t date to know him or her better, if you do, your emotions and feelings towards them are likely to cloud your mind, and this will make it difficult for you to get Allah’s guidance.

God still guides us, He is ever interested and more interested in our marriage than we are or think. Put Him first, and you will be glad you did.

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4 comments

  1. Yinka Salaam

    This also applies to Brothers too who worship their new-found freedom by loosing their virginity and chastity; but it more instructive for Sisters who lose every thing to desperation.

    My advise to you Sisters in particular is: Live starts and continues after Service Year

  2. olowonisaye saheed

    Situation like this shows how a Muslim either brothers or sisters can withstand test of faith; the best such person can do is to consult her God and also somebody of her faith for proper advice. May Allah continue to guide and guard us in all our endeavours. Same prayer for our children.

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